Here’s what I do when I’m feeling down:

Buy two bottles of Rosé wine and carry the TV into the bathroom where you get into the bath and start drinking and watching Morrissey videos that you have on VHS (preferably 2 or 3 tapes full). When the water starts getting cool, just drain it and fill it back up with hot water. Eventually you will want to sleep so make sure you drain the water first (!) before snoozing!! Go ahead and leave the bathroom door cracked to increase chances of roommates walking in on you. In the morning you will feel GREAT! Guaranteed.

—Lindsay Pizza Lohan

Don’t worry you maniacs. I’ll be back to my old self in no time. Thank you for the hot tip, Lindsay Pizza Lohan!